Teachers, Preachers, Spiritual Gurus.

Growing up in the church. Listen to the pastor. He knows all. Teaching us that we follow, we trust and we do as we're told. From leaving that lifestyle behind I find myself seeking out teachers. Maybe this feeling runs deep. That I can't teach myself, that I need someone else to guide me. That I am not educated enough to know how to translate and interpret. ​

And I don't know why, but at 26 years old, I still forget that these "teachers" are human. That I can't place them higher than myself, because we are all equal. And I am finding more so that when I go within and really sit with mother nature, that is where I find my answers.

Part of this moving past the teachings of my youth and "growing my wings" as Laura put it, is to learn that I don't have to turn to someone for the answers. To shift my ​perception of what I need. I don't need teachers or gurus. I need community. And I'm forming that. It's constantly shifting and I am constantly going through heartbreak with it but with community you share your journey without teaching or preaching. You let down your guard and sometimes that causes grief but sometimes and it's so beautiful when it does happen, people open their hearts to you and then you realize, we are all here to teach something.

We are all teachers here.

Only love,​

Katelyn

Being Held.

After taking sometime to hold myself in the light, the negative voices telling me I wasn't good enough or wasn't worthy of the love I show others have left the building. I am worthy and good enough. I do know this. I did, I held myself, pretty damn hard. I squeezed and wouldn't let go until the thoughts had no choice but to submit to the love and learn to love the light. The negative was turned into the light and became a huge source of motivation for me.

Don't you hate that? When you are going along, living a life of purpose, then BAM! Darkness creeps in. I think I gave too much of my good mojo, witchy woo-woo, whatever you want to call it, away at one time and didn't keep enough to sustain me at the moment. And I am actually okay with that because I was holding some really amazing women as tight as I could. They needed it way more than I did at that time. But, I have learned when to take a bit of space for myself to recoup. Recover and re-energize. I have learned how to sustain myself so I do not burn myself out again.

I fully expect that I will have those moments of darkness, even after awareness happens, life still gives you the ups and downs. I do not expect life to be constant streams of light because sometimes you just have to sit in the scary dark because it has lessons, important lessons, to teach as well. What is that saying?

"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." -Galileo

Yes, beautiful stars. If there was never any darkness, we'd never have reason to appreciate the light. We'd never see the twinkling of stars and the glow of the moon. And through the darkness, we see the best in humanity, the best in ourselves.

And you'll see, lovely sisters and brothers, that when you start holding yourself and holding others, that the universe has love to show you. Love to pour out to you. I am learning to accept being held by others and by the universe. It always provides.
Thank you, sweet soul sisters, who have been holding me. Either through letters in the mail, gifts from the heart, emails, messages, and so on. I feel your embrace. I feel your love. And oh, OH am I ever so appreciative. Thank you. Thank you.

The pouring out of love has come in the form of feathers from lovely soul sisters helping me to build a smudge fan filled with love, filled with good energies and filled with loving intention.

It also came in the form of surprise gifts in the mail that were so filled with love. This was the kind of gift that made tears well up in my eyes out of the thoughtfulness of others. The kindness of women who you don't need to know in the physical world to be connected with, it's astounding.

I feel held.

Only love and light,

Katelyn

P.S. If you are called to send a feather along for my smudge fan, one found in nature not purchased from a store, I would love it and cherish it. You can send it along to Katelyn Demidow P.O. Box 1474 Sulphur, LA 70664

The Art of Holding Space

A dear friend of mine, teacher and mentor sits tonight. Sits tonight with grief and sorrow. Sits tonight with defamation of character at the hands of malicious intent. I know her heart and her soul. And you all, it's gorgeous and filled with the most beautiful golden light. She emanates this high buzzing energy. But mainly, she exudes love. Ooey gooey love. My heart is heavy for her tonight.

Tonight she bleeds out little Eve, her 11th little soul baby that has briefly existed in this earthly realm through the comforts of her womb. Tonight her soul weeps for loss and aches for answers.

When you can't hold someone physically, you can be mindful and intentional about holding them in your heart and soul. Holding space for them. Today, in the crisp, not too sure if it's winter or spring air, I held. I held close and tight. Laura Em, I hope you felt it.

I gathered thirteen quartz points. Two large. Laura Em and Tyler. Eleven small. Each soul baby. Eve included. With written intentions and prayers infusing the space, I dug my hands in the dirt. I buried the crystals. The large ones side by side with prayers on top. Moist dirt holding it close in the earth. One by one I buried the last eleven. Spiraling around. Holding momma and daddy within their womb from the spiritual realm.

Adorned with calendula petals, lavender buds, snail shells Leena collected and wild flowers she picked, then topped with deep purple berries, the spiral was complete.

On a hill by our future garden, you are held.

In my heart and my soul, you are held.

Sometimes space holding comes in the form of moist earth under fingernails and sea salt caramels bubbling away on the stove.

And I promise. All dirt was removed from underneath my fingernails before creating caramels.

Only Love.

Katelyn

I am magic.

I've touched on a bit how when I was younger I felt this magical presence within my body. I had forgotten about it over the years as I conformed more to religion and less to myself. Locked away behind a hundred tiny doors where these missing pieces of me. The keys were lost for a great deal of time.

Slowly digging my hands in I would unearth a precious little key and open a door here and a door there. Turn a corner to another locked door. Confused, but hopeful the keys would show themselves to me. Soul sisters, warrior women, baba yagas, they helped light lanterns, put a flame to unlit candles and dig with me in the dark shadowy places, the night, unaware of the impact they had on my search. A treasure hunt. Words guiding me. And intuition as my Polaris.

A couple weeks ago a very essential key was found. Hidden in plain sight. Waiting at my feet with a little note attached that said, "It is time." No longer hesitant and with a sure heart, I indeed agreed. It is time. I unlocked the door and was flooded with a feeling I wasn't quite expecting.

Relief.

I feel myself. Completely. Wholly.

Immersing myself in this magical realm, I find familiarity. I find that heart of a little girl, who believed in herself, now residing in my chest alongside knowledge gained from pain, from indiscretions, from learning, from falling in love. Stronger now from life and living. Thankful for the series of events that have gotten her to the place she is at, no matter how much heartbreak, how much fear, and how much loss it took to get here.

That little girl is home again.

She is home and she is screaming, "I am magic!"

Because, don't we all have magic within us?

(The answer is yes. Don't forget that.)

Peace and Love.

Katelyn

I bid you farewell.

If you asked me if I would change anything about 2012 I'd have to say, no, I would not. Are there moments I wish never happened because of the growing pains that went along? Most definitely. But those moment were the ones that were necessary in order for me to grow not only as a mother but to grow into my own, fully. I've shown myself that I have more strength then I ever thought possible. Strength to use my words when I had to and even more strength to not use my words when caught in the cycle of ego.

Talking with my beautiful friend Rain tonight she mentioned her journey home to herself. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! That is exactly what this last year has been. The final push to my journey home, finally having home within myself. It's usually a road paved with obstacle, treachery and hardship but to overcome all that you come out on the other side into this glorious field of the most succulent wildflowers. I've made wildflower angels in this space.

This next year is about not only maintaining this beautiful field but to grow it deeper. Water it fully. Dig my hands in and make an impact. You, my love, my beautiful wild woman, soul sister, I am adorning you in wildflower crowns and bathing you in sweet scents of nectar. This is my holy land.

It's time you find your own field of wildflowers and together, we can cover the earth in dew covered petals grown in the light.

I thank you, my tribe of badass women, for holding space for me through this time of major upheaval and transition. I thank you, 2012, for this year of growth and learning. I thank you universe for taking us into the new age and bringing so much enlightenment, so much awareness and for helping to lighten the load of burden and of guilt I once carried.

So I ask you, m'dears, what can you leave behind in 2012 that no longer serves you?

Peace and Love.

Katelyn

Ceremoniously.

Hope you all had a happy and healthy Christmas.

Peace and Love.

Katelyn