Going round and round.

My head has been spinning. Like a merry go round. But more like a merry go round on speed. Flying around at 100 miles per hour, as I hang on to the worn and faded horse, who once had magical rainbow hair. I'm left breathless and battered. Bruises on my hips. Cracked lips and cracked ribs.

I catch glimpses of the earth. Sky. Ground. Sky. Ground. Sky and ground meld and become one and I no longer know which way is up and which way is down. ​I'm parched and need a drink. I need a thousand glasses of water but it still won't quench this thirst. This thirst is not for water. This thirst is for release.

I release. I ask often for that release from you. But, it's not coming. So I hang on and I spin.​

I spin and I spin and I spin. Hoping that all of it will spin out and fly into the ether. I can't carry it anymore. It's too heavy. ​I realize that I willingly carried it. Took it on. Felt it's weight and said it was okay. That I would carry this burden. I would carry this hurt. I would carry the lies and the pain. But it's not okay. And it's never okay. I do not carry this any longer.

So for now, I just keep hanging on this merry go round. As it squeaks and screams. As it plays creepy circus music over it's cracking, static filled speakers.​

And I spin.

​I hold on until I know when to let go. And I'm not waiting for this maniacal carousel to stop. No. I will let go when I get the signal. I will fly off fast and hard. I will bandage myself up. Add casts to the broken parts. And then, I will finally allow my body to heal.

But mainly, I will know, that I don't have to allow myself to walk gingerly, trying to avoid stepping on cracks. ​

::Katelyn::

Weaving.

​This spider. She comes back every dusk and starts her process. Setting support strands and making sure she's in a good spot for the night. Then. She weaves. I've formed a bond with her. I think about catching flies to put in her web for her, for all her hard work. Weaving in the wind. As if the wind is just coming to caress her and tell her to keep going.

Keep weaving your magic, little one.

I am here, listening. Open to receive your knowledge and learn from you.

Only love,​

Katelyn

Easing in.

Writing after so long seems a bit foreign but like I stumbled into a room that I know well. That I hold dear and with only love. But to come back to it after weeks, after a vacation, I stumble and I realize that I need to allow my body, my mind the space to ease back in. Into life really.

It was good to see my family after 3 years and to explore my childhood a bit with being back in my hometown, but I felt as if I was finally on the outside looking in. Any time we visited after moving to Louisiana I felt this deep longing to be back "home" in Southern California. Like part of my heart was missing, and although a part of my heart still resides in Santa Clarita, CA I now feel at home, here. In the place I probably fit in the least, this is my home. I know there is a reason we are here. A reason I am building my offerings from here, spreading my wings and telling fear to go freeload somewhere else, here. ​I have this deep sense of the work to be done. The sacred work this area needs. And I am settling in. For as long as spirit says to just trust and get cozy.

Do you feel at home where you live? What is a way you could spread out and cozy on in, if not?​

And I took a leap of faith. I trusted in spirit hard and launched my first ritual kit in the shop. Through my learning of releasing and finally knowing I am free from the gremlins that were infesting my body, Cording was born. Do you have something that you have just been struggling with releasing? It's a kit from my heart to yours. To help you, hold you, in this safe space to let it go, love. ​

For the next week I am offering $5 off the physical kit. ​Click here.

Only love,​

Katelyn

Holding myself.

Getting out of the "logical" brain is hard for me. Although lately, I've been floating in the aether so much and have been forgetting to come back down into the earthly realm and ground myself. I've been criticizing myself very harshly and taking things to heart that I should just be letting go. I've been fighting demons from my past and trampling myself down for my past misgivings. 

When awareness happens, it doesn't mean life will be all sunshine and rainbows. With me, I had been floating on cloud nine and suddenly and fiercely the shadow has come and memories have been flooding me. Memories I would rather forget but I also know forgetting teaches me nothing. I learn nothing by forgetting. I must remember. For remembering and sitting with these memories of my past misgivings is how I will overcome and with that it brings growth. These last three months or so have been many bandaid-ripping-off moments that as much as they hurt, I am working on accepting the pain. I have learned that with pain, especially pain you have inflicted on yourself, you can either wallow in it or you can embrace it as an old friend. Don't get me wrong. I've been wallowing this week but I am giving myself the space to do so. I'm getting muddy and filthy. I am sitting in the muck right now because feeling this helps me to feel what I have put out into the world at one point in my life. What I have put on others, unknowingly at the time. And feeling that helps me to learn how to not do that, ever again.

After a conversation with a friend about my aversion to baths, going in the oceans, I was told by two separate teachers, two very in tune wild women, two healers, to make peace with the waters. To draw up a bath and fill it with salt and any other items I find fitting and to submit to the healing the waters had to offer. To not think about it logically, why I have this aversion, but to simply feel it. I have been working magick for many women around me during this time, but why do I not work magick for myself? Why do I not hold space for myself? This is changing. My healing will involve me taking a bath every night, even if that means I must do so with kids splashing with me. My healing will involve me getting outside everyday to work in nature, with nature.

It's a funny thing, to be simultaneously working on grounding myself everyday and to work within the water to heal our relationship. And thank you, for all those who have holding me in this space, allowing me the time to whine and grieve over my past actions and choices. Also, thank you to Laura for sending me to this beautiful article which has helped me to understand what I am working through.

Peace and Love,

Katelyn

Soothing waters.

Come to me my child and bathe yourself in the waters.

Stand in awe of my beauty,

Wash yourself.

Wash yourself.

I call to you, sweet wondrous woman.

I will cradle you.

Together we shall make magic.

Together we shall be one.

Honor that I am within you.

Honor that you are me.

There is nothing to fear m'dear,

For even in my great power,

You are the waters.

You are power.

Wash yourself,

Of this fear.

And make peace.

This is my peace offering mama ocean, wondrous waters. I will dress you up in flower petals and candlelight. I will fill you with essential oils and soothing salts. And I will bathe in you. I will make peace with you, Melusine. I make peace with you, Poseidon.

I will adorn my bath waters tonight and start my healing immersed in the waters.

Love and Light.

Katelyn

I bid you farewell.

If you asked me if I would change anything about 2012 I'd have to say, no, I would not. Are there moments I wish never happened because of the growing pains that went along? Most definitely. But those moment were the ones that were necessary in order for me to grow not only as a mother but to grow into my own, fully. I've shown myself that I have more strength then I ever thought possible. Strength to use my words when I had to and even more strength to not use my words when caught in the cycle of ego.

Talking with my beautiful friend Rain tonight she mentioned her journey home to herself. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! That is exactly what this last year has been. The final push to my journey home, finally having home within myself. It's usually a road paved with obstacle, treachery and hardship but to overcome all that you come out on the other side into this glorious field of the most succulent wildflowers. I've made wildflower angels in this space.

This next year is about not only maintaining this beautiful field but to grow it deeper. Water it fully. Dig my hands in and make an impact. You, my love, my beautiful wild woman, soul sister, I am adorning you in wildflower crowns and bathing you in sweet scents of nectar. This is my holy land.

It's time you find your own field of wildflowers and together, we can cover the earth in dew covered petals grown in the light.

I thank you, my tribe of badass women, for holding space for me through this time of major upheaval and transition. I thank you, 2012, for this year of growth and learning. I thank you universe for taking us into the new age and bringing so much enlightenment, so much awareness and for helping to lighten the load of burden and of guilt I once carried.

So I ask you, m'dears, what can you leave behind in 2012 that no longer serves you?

Peace and Love.

Katelyn

Soak.

My advent windows word for today was "soak." My first thought immediately went to the bath I was planning to take this evening. I let the word reside in my head as I prepared and cleaned the house for the guided meditation my friend Jessica was hosting here.

It burrowed in. Got cozy. And did just that, soak.

Jessica called on her spirit guides to let her know how to guide us all. I loved watching her bless the land. She told me that the land and house has a wonderful energy. That it flowed well and worked in harmony with each other. What we had found out about the builders of the house, they intentionally built this house. They placed the house on the land in such a way to work with the trees and flow of the land instead of disrupting it. They put in huge windows in order to get as much natural light in the house. Joey and I both felt it had positive energy when we put in an offer. Then the realtor told us that information and it made even more sense. Jessica felt it as well. It was then reaffirmed again by all the guests that joined us today.

After blessing the land and setting the space and alter up guests started trickling in. Fluidity was the word for this ceremony. And fluid it was. The intention was to release negative thought patterns. Ask questions and ask for guidance. Part of my questioning was how I could help women and what I could offer. I released this to the fire, along with my dreads as this felt like the exact right time, and then soaked in the sun during the 8 minute time frame that the earth lined up with the center of the galaxy. After some research I found that during this 8 minute window of the earth aligning, the galaxy was sending an abundance of dark matter energy into our atmosphere. And it was here. Here for the harnessing. They say the pyramids were built for this reason. They are the perfect shape for collecting and storing energy. This energy is powerful and helps amplify that shift into a new consciousness. The consciousness where worry falls away and you feel at peace with yourself. At peace with your life. A shift of wanting to spread only love. A shift of not caring about more more more, bigger better best. I felt this shift and I am ready. I am doing. I felt the energy of those around me as they soaked this up as well. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that this was happening around me, to me, through me. That this was happening on my land. In my home.

Do you realize how blessed we are? We are living in the time of the shift into awareness. Into a collective consciousness. We've moved together, as a world, from the dark age into the bronze age. I take you by the hand my brothers and sisters and walk into this new era, together, with love.

Energy is powerful on it's own but it needs to be worked with. Fed. Nourished. And loved. Don't let your energy become stagnant again. Work it every day.

A bit later Jessica did a clearing on me. She shared with me that the guides were and have been showing her a vision of me for some time now. A vision of me dipping white rose petals into a bowl of blessed water, brushing this water onto women. Cleansing them with it. She felt her and I have some strong work to do with healing women. Healing women from the damage that has been done through society. Offering gatherings.

She was unaware of the questions I had asked of the universe today.

Yeah. I hear you spirit.

Peace and Love.

Katelyn

Winter Solstice.

"Come to be now and lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie say it will be alright and I shall believe." -Sheryl Crow

I am not going to lie. This last week has been filled with overwhelm. Filled with anxious energy and filled with just plain, I don't know, hardness. There's been many new revelations. But many opening into my depths that I am unsure of and afraid to acknowledge. This morning I woke up exhausted and irritable. Last night there was a huge blow out here that involved me crying in my closet. I am not sure if it is the energy leading up to today coupled with the move and Leena missing some people in our life but she has been expressing herself in uncontrollable fits of rage. I am trying to help her channel that anger into something that our family is unafraid of but more importantly into an outlet that SHE is not afraid of. She gets into this spiral of overwhelm and upset which turns into kicking, into screaming, into gagging and choking. It's very heartbreaking to watch. I wake up unable to just snap out of the funk I was in when I went to bed. I had been feeling a tad resentful and more so lost as a mother.

Right now though. Right now I choose to start this new age ready to accept and open to serve. I am opening my heart to the universe. I almost canceled our Yule gathering last night but Joey encouraged me not to and when I sat and reflected on it I got a message, loud and clear, that tonight was important. The gathering and ceremony needed to happen. I am consciously acknowledging my readiness to accept my purpose. Tonight. This year has been leading to this shift and I'm no longer scared of it.

I simply want to be. Be in the way that only one open to the vibrations can be. Living a life of purpose and honoring the spirit. This starts with today. The galactic alignment. Today with the start of embracing the Baba Yaga within with the start of the Apothecary Circle. Tonight with the ceremony of gathering around the fire, releasing and filling that empty space with positive, uplifting energy. Tomorrow with opening my house to the community.

I got to witness bees readying themselves for winter this morning. Buzzing around a magnolia tree by the hundreds. Gathering. Gathering. Gathering. The buzz and vibrations were intense and left the area around with a sense of peace. I felt it. Gaia is preparing the earth. And Gaia is preparing my soul.

Peace and Love.

Katelyn