My head has been spinning. Like a merry go round. But more like a merry go round on speed. Flying around at 100 miles per hour, as I hang on to the worn and faded horse, who once had magical rainbow hair. I'm left breathless and battered. Bruises on my hips. Cracked lips and cracked ribs.

I catch glimpses of the earth. Sky. Ground. Sky. Ground. Sky and ground meld and become one and I no longer know which way is up and which way is down. I'm parched and need a drink. I need a thousand glasses of water but it still won't quench this thirst. This thirst is not for water. This thirst is for release.

I release. I ask often for that release from you. But, it's not coming. So I hang on and I spin.

I spin and I spin and I spin. Hoping that all of it will spin out and fly into the ether. I can't carry it anymore. It's too heavy. I realize that I willingly carried it. Took it on. Felt it's weight and said it was okay. That I would carry this burden. I would carry this hurt. I would carry the lies and the pain. But it's not okay. And it's never okay. I do not carry this any longer.

So for now, I just keep hanging on this merry go round. As it squeaks and screams. As it plays creepy circus music over it's cracking, static filled speakers.

And I spin.

I hold on until I know when to let go. And I'm not waiting for this maniacal carousel to stop. No. I will let go when I get the signal. I will fly off fast and hard. I will bandage myself up. Add casts to the broken parts. And then, I will finally allow my body to heal.

But mainly, I will know, that I don't have to allow myself to walk gingerly, trying to avoid stepping on cracks.

::Katelyn::